you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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