Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
