yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
