my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
