Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
