You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
