U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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