I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
