did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
