Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
