Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
