My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
