At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
