I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
