I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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