I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
