her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
