M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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