who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
