cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
