sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
