elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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