It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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