So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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