I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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