Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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