I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
