Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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