eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
