there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
