Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
