Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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