she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
