my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
