i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
