I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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