imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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