Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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