And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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