Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
