and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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