no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
