I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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