It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
