The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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