oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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