So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
