I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
