My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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