I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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