How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
