distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
