just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
