the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
